“Mom” Shows and Movies are Awful!

Credit: https://www.netflix.com/ca/title/80198991

There’s this show in Canada called Workin’ Moms currently on its fourth season and I *tried* watching it, but it was a struggle! The characters live in multi million dollar homes in downtown Toronto, all have perfect jobs and hunky husbands (or hunky young boy toys that they quickly discard), but still complain, bitch and moan. Granted their lives aren’t without some challenges, but holy fuck, can anyone actually relate to these women? In the real world, the housing market is beyond insane, there’s a devastating virus that’s been circling the globe for the past two years, decent jobs are few and far between, and we’re all just kind of trying to hang on until winter is finally over. The “jokes” on this show are also really, really bad and there isn’t one sympathetic, likeable character in the whole lot!

It’s the same problem I had watching another show targeted at women my age called Motherland. Most of the ladies on that show are rich, their kids don’t struggle with any serious issues, like disabilities or illnesses and again, and with the exception of one or two, they are all really terrible people. Yes, there is one “mean mommy” who is kind of a caricature of the popular bitch in high school who never really grew up, but the rest aren’t much better! The protagonist is a selfish woman who uses people and barely coughs out a “thank you” in return. There was even an episode with another mom body shaming and relentlessly criticizing another. And this was after she expected her friends to rescue her after getting drunk and putting herself in danger for an entire evening! Seriously?? With friends like that, who needs enemies? It’s not much better with movies, where again, mansions and hunky suitors or husbands. Perfect kids, and ridiculous problems.

Now, I get it, people are tired of hearing about the pandemic and many want an escape, but is it really so much to ask to see more middle class or even remotely realistic people on TV? When it comes to families, shows and movies seem to either paint an idyllic fantasy or dystopian nightmare that takes place in a crack den. Let’s see more shades of grey. Lets see more depictions of single moms who don’t have 20-something Ken dolls lining up to date them. What about parents of children’s with disabilities or medical issues? And can women have jobs that aren’t either A)Ridiculously overpaid journalism jobs that require them to re-vist their “quaint home town” or B) Playgrounds for hipsters? Where are all the teachers, nurses, admininistrative assistants, vet techs, retail employees or anything else that’s not glamorous, but pays the bills? I love relatable humour, and life with kids can be crazy, so there really is endless source material. Some shows that have handled parenthood better are The Let Down (Which deals with postpartum issues, but still manages to be funny) and Breeders. (An unusual show that talks about how difficult it can be to be a father, which is refreshing) These shows aren’t perfect, but are definitely less cringe-inducing in terms of story and dialogue. It’s nice to see more representation of motherhood beyond extremes like June Cleaver, Marge Simpson, or Roseanne, but there is still a lot of unexplored territory here that could be great!

Workplace Anxiety

https://www.bizjournals.com/bizjournals/how-to/growth-strategies/2017/10/how-anxiety-hurts-workplace-productivity.html

I had two job interviews recently, the first was an introductory meeting and the second was with the Director. Initially, I wasn’t sure how the first one went, but was pretty thrilled when they asked me for another interview, and I tried to prepare even more for it. It seemed to go fairly well, and a few hours later, they informed me that they would be contacting my references. Then I sweated a bit. See my references are a bit dated; I had my son three years ago and after rotating lockdowns last year, haven’t been able to secure a job. But all I can do is give them the most recent ones I could find, because my older ones have all retired. Le sigh.

If I do get hired, though, I have other worries; This role is one I haven’t really done before and is in a field that is fairly new to me. What if I can’t hack it? What if everyone hates me? What if I don’t receive adequate training? It’s happened before and sucks everytime. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve had positive experiences and made some pretty great friends from work too, but it has been very difficult for me to feel confident in my working abilities. Probably the worst thing about having ADHD as an adult is working; Crucial skills like listening, organization, multitasking and memory are constantly being tested at work, and tend to be weak points for those of us with this condition. Many of us also deal with crippling anxiety, insecurity and sensitivity to criticism. I am naturally very organized, but struggle with every other symptom and have felt “too stupid” to work in the past, which is a pretty devastating opinion to have of oneself. I could feel the disappointment radiating from my boss or fellow coworkers, or was just yelled at, and internalized it all.

However, after my son was born, I soon realized the importance of taking care of yourself, not just in terms of eating and sleeping well, but also in helping yourself if you are neurodivergent and struggling. My ADHD was something I hadn’t thought about in a long time, and unfortunately you don’t grow out of it, so I contacted my doctor and she had me re-diagnosed. Then I was put on new medication and it seems to help. It was crazy that I waited so long and struggled in so many jobs before finally taking control of my disability. But better late than never, I suppose.

My point in this post and in creating this blog is basically you aren’t alone. If you’re reading this-adult or not-and you think you may have ADD or ADHD-talk to your doctor. You’re not lazy, or stupid, or a hyperchondriac, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! It’s a genetic condition, but there are things you can do, work will be extra difficult for you, but you can do it!

Doing Everything at Once!

One crazy thing about having ADHD as an adult is the overwhelming pressure you can feel to do a million different things at once. Take today for example; After finishing this post, I have to wrap presents, exercise, get dinner started, finish painting some cards I’m selling, start another leather project, buy a couch, do yoga, clean the basement…bla, bla, bla until it’s 3:50pm and I realize in a panic that I have to pick up my son from daycare in ten minutes! Frankly, it’s exhausting! And even if you subtracted all the obligations and chores out of the equation, my crazy brain will bounce from painting to drawing to sewing to leather working to frickin’ basket weaving! The shiny objects really are everywhere, or maybe they’re more like a laser pointer and I’m the cat chasing after it. (Weird analogy but I think it holds up)
Mindfulness and meditation is something that is suggested A LOT, and not just to me, but people in general for taking a moment to relax and be present. I have no problem being in the moment, but sitting in a room listening to myself breathe is tough! Mostly, I just start thinking about the annoying whistling sound my nose makes and then start to worry that I’m getting a cold, which makes me start getting all paranoid about COVID and well it’s downhill from there! (Did I mention I also suffer from GAD?) Meditation is good, but I’ll try doing it for short periods and work from there! In today’s crazy world, I think it’s probably the best plan for many people.

Today’s weather is cold, rainy and dreary, typical crap November weather, but in December. These days aren’t great for doing much, but they are good for curling up with a nice cup of joe and book, or even just indulging in a memory. Everyone needs some peace, and break from the rush, not just me, and days like today really reinforce that lesson.