Workplace Anxiety

I had two job interviews recently, the first was an introductory meeting and the second was with the Director. Initially, I wasn’t sure how the first one went, but was pretty thrilled when they asked me for another interview, and I tried to prepare even more for it. It seemed to go fairly well, and a few hours later, they informed me that they would be contacting my references. Then I sweated a bit. See my references are a bit dated; I had my son three years ago and after rotating lockdowns last year, haven’t been able to secure a job. But all I can do is give them the most recent ones I could find, because my older ones have all retired. Le sigh.

If I do get hired, though, I have other worries; This role is one I haven’t really done before and is in a field that is fairly new to me. What if I can’t hack it? What if everyone hates me? What if I don’t receive adequate training? It’s happened before and sucks everytime. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve had positive experiences and made some pretty great friends from work too, but it has been very difficult for me to feel confident in my working abilities. Probably the worst thing about having ADHD as an adult is working; Crucial skills like listening, organization, multitasking and memory are constantly being tested at work, and tend to be weak points for those of us with this condition. Many of us also deal with crippling anxiety, insecurity and sensitivity to criticism. I am naturally very organized, but struggle with every other symptom and have felt “too stupid” to work in the past, which is a pretty devastating opinion to have of oneself. I could feel the disappointment radiating from my boss or fellow coworkers, or was just yelled at, and internalized it all.

However, after my son was born, I soon realized the importance of taking care of yourself, not just in terms of eating and sleeping well, but also in helping yourself if you are neurodivergent and struggling. My ADHD was something I hadn’t thought about in a long time, and unfortunately you don’t grow out of it, so I contacted my doctor and she had me re-diagnosed. Then I was put on new medication and it seems to help. It was crazy that I waited so long and struggled in so many jobs before finally taking control of my disability. But better late than never, I suppose.

My point in this post and in creating this blog is basically you aren’t alone. If you’re reading this-adult or not-and you think you may have ADD or ADHD-talk to your doctor. You’re not lazy, or stupid, or a hyperchondriac, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! It’s a genetic condition, but there are things you can do, work will be extra difficult for you, but you can do it!

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